If we’re to create a life that we love, learning to have confidence in ourselves is essential.
Unfortunately there are many traps in our day that zap our confidence. Not least of these is our own harsh judgements of ourselves. Our own internal dialogue very often makes us feel like crap. And this dialogue comes from many places – past experiences certainly make up a good portion of how we think. But increasingly, we are bombarded by what the media deems ‘successful’. Thin, sexy, rich, famous, a garage full of the latest toys. Those of us old enough and wise enough and thick-skinned enough are able to see through the smoke and mirrors and realize that often all is not as it seems.
But what about those whose confidence is already shaky? Or those teenagers whose confidence is in the throes of being formed? It’s a sad fact that today young girls are judged, by themselves as much as others, by unrealistic and unreal role models.
It’s not surprising our confidence takes a hit and we feel never quite ‘good enough’, searching for the happiness in our weight, our toys, our bank balance.
We must learn to ignore these ridiculous standards and start judging ourselves by our own values – by who we want to be. The trouble is, many of us couldn’t actually articulate what our standards are – we are so caught up in trying to emulate the ways of others and how we think we ‘should’ be acting that we forget to set our own rules.
We find it easy to believe in the talents, abilities, skills and goodness of others while struggling to see that in ourselves. We are unselfish and do everything we can to bolster the confidence of others while all the time believing we ourselves don’t measure up.
It is time for us to master the art of emotionally supporting ourselves as well as others. Accept yourself, offer yourself encouragement, forgive yourself. Become your own best friend – you are, after all, your most constant companion.
Is the environment inside your head a nurturing greenhouse or the compost heap?
How to turn the environment inside your head from the compost heap to a nurturing greenhouse?bit.ly/SablY1
— Sarah Steele (@managingu) October 30, 2012
Decorate your emotional greenhouse any way you like, change what needs changing inside your head and start creating a quiet confidence that others will wish they had. Develop a sense of self worth. Believe in yourself. Be your own best friend. Bathe yourself in the warmth of the sun as it nurtures and grows the seedlings in your mind.
Become your own best friend – you are your most constant companion. bit.ly/SablY1
— Sarah Steele (@managingu) October 30, 2012
Actions:
Make a list of all your fabulous qualities. Do not stop until you reach at least 30. If you truly get stuck, ask your best friend (apparently I make mine laugh, which I never would have listed and is lovely to know). Head this list ‘I rock because I am …’
Now choose the 10 that you love the best about yourself – I know, I know, only 10?? You’re so darn fabulous it’s hard to narrow it down. Write them down somewhere you will see every day.
And now comes the growing – what small daily act can you start practicing today to bolster your self worth? What kindness can you show yourself on a regular basis? If your best friend came to you and said ‘But I’m not…..’ or ‘But I’m too…..’ what would you say in response? Remember – you are your own best friend.
Let us know in the comments below what you do to bolster your own confidence. I know we could all use the tips. And I’d L-O-V-E to hear your own top 10.
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Blessings and Honey
Sarah xx
Sarah,
This is awesome!!! Allowing us to nurture and remind each other how wonderful we really are:)
1) sassy
2) fun
3) spunky
4) caring
5) loving
6) loyal
7) energetic
8) heart centered
9) ambitious
10) open minded
Regena, Yes we really are wonderful! Thanks for a great list. This is why we like each other’s writing! One day we are sure to meet.
Excellent exercise … let me see, I rock because I am: (1) a survivor; (2) a nurturer; (3) a cheerleader; (4) a loyal friend; (5) a thoughtful person; (6) a good listener; (7) a positive energy; (8) a good daughter; (9) a sexy lady; and (10) funny. No, wait! That’s not me … that’s YOU!!
Hey Maggie – LOL
You can’t recognize a trait in someone else unless you have it within you somewhere – so right back at ya!
Thanks so much for the reminder to take care of ourselves first, Sarah. I am:
1) a good mom; 2) a leader; 3) a great coach; 4) a driver–I get things done!; 5) compassionate (somehow I manage to look past how I feel about the way someone behaves and look at *why* they are acting that way right now); 6) open (even if I’m not always the one to reach out, my friends know I am here for them); 7) mature (even when people around me are acting like they are 12–that doesn’t mean I won’t have fun, it means I will be a voice of reason, well-grounded); 8) confident; 9) resilient; 10) generous. Thanks for the moment to pause and think of the positives!
Hi Kirsten, a wonderful list – you obviously rock! So glad you stopped by and commented. See you here again soon! Sarah
Ooooh, an energy booster – fabulous! I am grateful, insightful, loyal/trustworthy, adventurous, heart-centered, sassy, spontaneous, energetic, strong, great mom/ friend and coach. And I only suck at math! J
Sheila – LOL – Math doesn’t count – don’t we all suck at it??
Sarah – whoa 30 is hard! I’m going to have to work on that a bit more. I am: friendly, creative, funny, supportive, open minded, a good mom, intuitive, reliable, trustworthy, compassionate.
Christie, Yep – 30 is hard, makes us think!
This is lots of fun, we should probably do it daily…or twice a day! Persistent, giving, loving, selfless (except when I am selfish), intelligent, hardworking, focused, compassionate, empowering, creative, intuitive, determined………..I could go on. It is really lucky we are not supposed to list our bad points! Thanks for a fun post. ~Cathy
Cathy – maybe we should have one great quality written on each finger so we remind ourselves throughout the day. Thanks for joining in the fun.
Decorate your emotional greenhouse. Love that. What I love the most about myself in this moment is my devotion to Love.
Love this post! I just did a “Successes – Big and Small” dump a couple of days ago for a project I am working on….very similar in re-wiring the mind and how we view ourselves, our accomplishments, and just how we function day-to-day with all the messages our gorgeous brains receives. I am confidence and I tell myself that over and over again in every situation I am in….I just did a personality test and went for the bold answer of: I am very, very confident. How could I choose anything less?
Thanks for the motivating post lady!
xo, Tina
Awareness itself is a powerful and tranformative tool. It would be fun to have others make a list for you (in addition to your own) to turn too when you are feeling less than confident or doubting yourself. We can lean into other’s belief in us when we temporarily loose sight of our own. Thank you.
Awesome post, Sarah!
A few years ago one of my mentors gave me an exercise to think of 10 traits when I’m operating at my highest. Then to post the list in strategic places (like my cabinet door in the bathroom ) and read it out loud everyday. Its one of the best confidence, motivational and energy boosters I’ve created a habit of doing.
Thanks for posting this and reminding us to put ourselves first on our lists!
Sarah,
Wonderful article. It is often so much easier to list all the great qualities of your good friends than about yourself. When it comes to ourselves, we are often better at listing many more negative qualities than positive. I love the title of your article, reminding us to boost our “friend’s” confidence. And – the key is to become your own best friend and boost your own confidence.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica