Where did it all go wrong?
Do you replay over and over in your head what went wrong? Or focus on what could possibly go wrong? Do you let fear and failure, or fear of failure, paralyze you?
Focusing on your small wins is a great way to keep fear in perspective and in bite-sized and manageable chunks. If you allow it, fear will grow into a three-headed monster and run your life.
I know you’ve had experiences of success – whether it’s in everyday smaller tasks that you barely even recognize or the larger, holy-cow, can you believe that just happened? variety.
Don’t worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try. —Jack Canfield.
And yet the chances are you don’t build on these successes. Let’s take relationships as an (oh too easy) example – how often have you said, ‘I’ve been hurt before, I don’t want to be hurt again,’ and held back from entering fully and presently into a new relationship? There’s no doubting that relationships ending can feel crappy. But have you ever said, ‘I’ve had 20+ years of happy times in relationships compared to the relatively few bad months as they ended.’ The fear of being hurt again becomes our focus and stops us having what we most want.
In order to have a happy and fulfilled life that isn’t run from a place of fear, focus on the boosts rather than the stumbles. Focus on what you have done rather than what you fear you cannot do.
Manage the fear and do it anyway – here’s how bit.ly/11kZlg4
— Sarah Steele (@managingu) February 4, 2013
Take one small step and add one building block at a time. Sure, there’ll be setbacks – that’s life. If you are recognizing the falls (completely ignoring them is just denial) and focusing on the success you’ll bounce back more quickly. Trust your abilities – if you don’t believe in them how can you expect others to? And if they don’t believe in your abilities why would they hire you, buy your product or trust you as a leader?
If something goes wrong analyze it logically (not emotionally), see the lesson and then focus on doing it better next time. Do not let it stop you moving forward.
Allow yourself to take the small steps towards your goal and accept and trust yourself during both successful and difficult times.
Stepping up to stand in your own light and play amongst the ‘big kids’ is scary – and if you listen to your fear you will never try. Accept that sometimes life works the way we want and sometimes it doesn’t. You don’t have to be perfect – you just have to try your best and learn from your lessons.
Don’t miss out – get messy, make mistakes and ride the roller coaster even if scares the living crap out of you.
Actions:
- What fear is holding you back right now? What are you afraid of?
- What success have you had that you can apply to this (regardless of how small)?
- What baby step can you take regardless of your fear?
- Be accountable – post below your small step and come back and tell us when you’ve done it.
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Blessings and Honey
Thanks Sarah, the timing is impeccable once again as I am on the mend from a break up and this just reminded me of all the great memories I have to focus on which far outweighs the hurt of the split. xoxo
Hi Sheila, break-ups suck, there’s no getting away from it. But I’m so glad you are able to recall the good memories while you heal. Stay strong girl! x
Great post. I have to say, the fear that holds me back the most is the stuff I don’t realize is fear…recently I realized that I wasn’t showing up for myself the way I used to, mainly because of some health stuff and energy crisis from about a year ago. It was only when I was chatting with another business owner that I realized I had some fear about physically showing up places! So I need a mirror to understand my fear
)
Hi Mindy, It’s amazing the aha moments we can have when in conversation with others. So often when I’m training I have one of those moments myself at the front of the room – that’s probably why they say you end up teaching what you yourself most need to learn. Glad to hear your health is better. Sarah
The human mind works in strange ways… The end of an experience or relationship totally overwrites whatever happened before, during the experience.
You make such a good point by saying “analyze it logically not emotionally”. When I’m in that emotional mode, I have to remind myself, too, to ask, “OK. And what went WELL?” And often we need an outsider, who’s not as emotionally attached as us, to ask us questions like that and “see” properly.
Hi Anja, You are so right when you say that we often need an outsider to hold up the mirror. Especially with those situations we are emotionally attached to. Even though we think we are seeing it clearly, often we aren’t. Sx
Sarah – I’m appreciating your post today. What a great reminder to be messy, make mistakes, screw it up…. I took a whole bunch of scary steps this week. Really stretched my “I don’t think I can do this” muscle. So now for me deep breath and more steps!
Hi Christie, So glad you were stretching yourself this week – it’s good to work muscles we haven’t used before. It makes them stronger for using again. And yes, life is messy and we will make mistakes and screw it up. Forgive self and move on. Have a wonderfully messy week!
Sarah, I loved it when you wrote “Trust your abilities” as I wholeheartedly agree. It can be quite difficult to do this especially if we’re perfectionists or we’re quite hard on ourselves. But I think that once you open up to trusting yourself, you’ll also begin to trust that the work you’ve been doing is helping you progress
Bianca, you are right about the perfectionists. I invite all perfectionists to lower your standards. Aim for excellent – it’ll be good enough and you’ll get a lot more done and upset a lot fewer people.
Thanks for spreading the word….and it is great to read this post at the precise time when it is needed. I also like to look back and say…wow, look how far I have come in the past year (or month, or whatever the time frame)….it helps me push past the fears that want to stand in the way of bigger things! Thanks lady!
xo, Tina
Tina, So glad this came at the right time (isn’t it strange how that happens and happens??). xo Sarah.
You are so singing my song this week! I am getting messy with it!!
Scared to bits and loving it at the same time!!